Linny and Nancy are stunned to have recorded 50 episodes of the Front Porch Book Club. This episode drops on Linny’s birthday. She reveals she has absolutely no plans but knows cake will be involved. Today two guests join Linny and Nancy on the Front Porch: Alyssa Christensen and Amy Lipins from Lincoln’s Mourning Hope Grief Center. Alyssa tells us about Mourning Hope, a peer support organization that serves the state of Nebraska. Amy shared her involvement which came through her career in public education. Alyssa describes how important community is to healing and how that is illustrated by when Ove’s friends (and cat) join him at Sonja’s grave. Amy mentions that community may be even more important for children, particularly since they may not be able to express their emotions. Nancy recalls the Death and Dying class she and Linny took in high school. She recalls Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief. Amy points out that Kubler-Ross’ research was based on people dying, not those grieving them. She also noted that people do not typically move through specific stages, rather it is a messy process. Alyssa notes that grief is very unique to each individual. In Ove’s case, she notes that Sonja was the center of his life, so her death left him feeling he had nothing left to live for. Linny notes that males account for 69% of suicide deaths and asks Alyssa for the connection between grief and depression. Alyssa notes that men may feel they should not reach out for help because that is a sign of weakness, rather than recognizing grief is to be expected and community support can help. Ove values self-reliance, so he particularly avoids reaching out. Amy talks about the markers of grief and that deep grief is very normal, as is great despair. Nancy reads a quote from writer Jamie Anderson: “Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Amy loves that quote. Alyssa notes that letting grief out honors the person you are mourning. Nancy points out this flips the idea of grief as weakness on its head because it reveals it is based on great strength – of love. Amy notes that Ove has experienced many losses and his rigidity is not a surprise. Alyssa notes that grief for one loss doesn’t go away when there is another loss. Alyssa notes that grief is modeled and Ove did not have a model for grieving that allowed him to express it. Amy notes that helping a friend or loved one through grief is about letting them lead the way. However, persistently reaching out is also important in being part of their life. Parvenah was a great example of persistently making Ove a part of her family’s life. Alyssa liked how Backman showed how raw Ove’s grief, even if he didn’t use the words. She also liked the depiction of the power of companioning. Amy thinks, in reality, Ove may have been a little tougher to break through to, but she also liked the depiction of grief in the book and thought the relational piece was heartwarming. For more information about grief and resources around the country, Alyssa suggests the National Alliance of Children’s Grief (childrengrieve.org). They may also be able to point searchers to grief centers near them. Amy recommends books by Dr. Alan Wolfelt Megan Devine – It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay The Invisible String for children Modern Loss for young adults Alyssa notes some of these resources have journals which may be helpful for people who do not process their grief in groups. Alyssa remarks that pets, like Ove’s cat, can provide a lot of support. Amy stresses that there is help and hope for grieving and no one has to grieve alone.